How much time do you spend worrying about what others think ?
How often do you question yourself?
How often do you wonder if you are doing the right thing?
How often do negative thoughts and feelings to take over?
Sometimes these negative thought processes can take over. They can hold you back and they leave you questioning everything about yourself and your life. A place full of doubt is exhausting and relentless. It is all consuming and it can start to have a very negative impact on who you are as a person.
But If you break it down and strip it all back – does any of the above actually help or add anything to your life? Do these constant negative thought processes serve you in any way at all? Are they truly important or are you simply giving too much of your time and energy away. And more significantly giving it away to the opinions, judgements and viewpoints of others. When actually if you break it all down – what other people think of us doesn’t matter. It truly doesn’t matter at all. Being a good person does count – but living in a world where you feel you have to conform doesn’t.
I love the quote – you were born an original – don’t die a copy. This couldn’t be more powerful. Too much time is spent trying to ‘do the right thing’, to please and to be what we feel we ‘should’ be.
I have learnt a lot over the years personally and professionally and there is one thing I know for sure. There is ‘no such thing as should’. Life is too short and too precious to spend it doing what everyone else wants, believes or expects you to do. After all other people always have their own path. Their own thoughts, feelings, judgements and opinions – and ultimately it is our path that truly matters in the end.
I do a lot of work with clients around building self esteem and learning about self-worth. Once people have over come many challenges in their therapy and addressed a lot of issues – there is often a theme. A theme of learning the art of self-acceptance. Of learning to value and appreciate themselves. This is part of the journey of therapy – enabling people to grow, to develop and to learn to be ok in their own skin.
But for me it is bigger than that – it is learning to sparkle. For people to shine and to know just how amazing they are. Individuality and being unique – it is what make’s people so special. The colours people love, the clothes they embrace and wear as a part of their identity. The music they listen too, the books they read, the hobbies they have. This is all a fundamental part of identity – and when these things get lost – a person feels truly lost. They don’t know who they are any more and then they need to begin to the journey. The journey of finding themselves – and truly learning to ‘sparkle’.
Step back for a moment – look around you.
What makes you who you are?? Do you have favourite flowers? If so buy them for yourself. Do you have favourite feel good music? Make a playlist. Do you love candles? Light them. Favourite books? Read them. Do you love yoga – make time for it. Do you love pictures? Print some – when did you last frame some of your favourite photos??
Do you like to draw or paint – make it happen?? Do you love writing?? Blog, write, journal – keep that diary! If you are a runner – run again. Enter an event. If you like to kick box then make time for it. Perhaps you’re a swimmer. Go get in the pool.
When did you last buy yourself something to wear? Go on – treat yourself. But make sure there is some colour. Colour represents our feelings – get some brightness in your life. But also choose what makes you ‘you’. I could go on – the list is endless.
If your friends make you feel good – make plans. See them. Make it happen. But invest time wisely. Give it to who and what makes you feel good. Enjoy your favourite foods and drinks. Stop thinking about the should in life – and go for the sparkle!!!! Find yours. And I promise you will feel so much happier.