It goes without saying – there are certain events that happen in people’s life that they feel are totally unforgiveable. People cannot always find compassion or have understanding for everything that ever takes place.
Life is not about always making things ok – and it is of course ok for any of us to say when something has truly upset or hurt us. We have the right to express every emotion we feel – including anger.
But what happens when our pain eats us up? When our anger makes us bitter? And what happens when we hold on to the things that cause us nothing but hurt and upset. There may not always be a place for total forgiveness. But there is a place for healing. There is a place for letting go – and there is a place for moving forward. And to fully be able to do that – we need to be able to say to ourselves – this happened – but I am ok. Its ok. I am moving forward and I am letting go.
If we don’t do this – we remain stuck. You will see it – many times. People get caught in a vicious cycle. One of pain. One of anger. One of bitterness. Sometimes a path that is full of addiction – alcohol, drugs, sex, food, exercise, work – the list is endless. People find many ways to avoid the things they truly feel – and many ways to escape the thoughts in their head.
Fundamentally however – real healing comes from facing those thoughts. It come from engaging with your own reality. It is the ability to be able to say – yes this happened to me. And yes it really hurt and it has been beyond painful. But if I hold on to it – if I continue to allow it to dominate – then I will never be able to move forward. Sometimes we all have to say – enough is enough.
Letting go is never easy – however it looks and whoever it involves – it is the hardest thing to do. But once you do. Once you truly do – your mind will be so clearer. It will feel so much calmer and the clarity you find will enable you to engage in your life more. To be more present and focused wherever you are and with whatever you are doing.
Nothing stays the same in life – and that is ok. While change can be so painful at times and cause stress and anxiety. On the flip side it can also bring possibility, new beginnings, excitement and happiness. Sometimes when a door shuts another one opens. And sometimes change can also being relief. Relief that you are not in a certain situation anymore, dealing with something that you found so hard or facing someone that just caused you more pain the happiness.
Even when something or someone has caused you so much pain and hurt, it is ok to look back and acknowledge that good times also existed. Even when letting go of someone is so painful – you can also smile and think of the happy times you once shared. This is called inner peace. Calmness. Let it in if you can. Because when you do – you have healed.
We can forgive but not invite someone or something back into our lives. We can find empathy and compassion even when it feels impossible and bleak. We can search and find understanding and in that understanding we will feel better in ourselves. But none of this means that we lose our right to be angry about what has happened to us or to someone we love or care about. We just make a healthy choice – to not allow that anger to eat us up. To let that anger go. To forgive perhaps – but not forget.
But then we remember – that difficult situations always teach us something. The lesson isn’t clear at the time – it isn’t always straight forward at the time. But over time we look back and we acknowledge and see the message that is meant for us. Overall – our aim is to simply let go.
Finally – there is also the important area of forgiving ourselves. None of us are perfect. We are all human. And at some point we all do things that we could easily come down on ourselves about. But no good ever comes from beating ourselves up. We all make the best decision we can in any given situation. And that is what truly matters. Don’t spend time being hard on yourself. Learn to forgive yourself. To trust yourself and to be yourself. Remember you deserve to be happy.