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The power of trust.

Trust is crucial in every single relationship we have. To feel safe and to feel at ease, we need to be able to trust someone. If we feel that trust is broken in any way, then it becomes difficult to maintain a relationship.

Trust is fundamental when it comes to the foundations of any relationship. Yet if you stop and really think about it trust is a very fragile thing. We need to trust in business, we need to trust in our personal lives, we need trust in our romantic relationships but also with our friends and family. The list goes on. Yet trust is something that doesn’t just happen immediately. It isn’t a given. It is something that develops over time, and it isn’t always easy to gain.

We can never assume that someone can be trusted. It would be lovely to think that we can and that we are able to trust everyone. However unfortunately life isn’t always like that. Sometimes not everyone has the best intentions for us. Sometimes people are envious and want to take something from us. On the flip side sometimes, people have their own struggles and don’t even see that they are hurting others by breaking trust. While at other times individuals get lost in their own darkness or denial, they lose sight of what trust really means.

Whatever the reason if trust is broken it can be incredibly hard to gain back. In addition to this the damage that one person can do by breaking someone’s trust is extensive because it can then impact future relationships and individuals’ ability to trust anyone again.

Feeling safe and secure is vital in any relationship. We learn to trust someone by the evidence that we see. Not just the words we hear. We learn that trust is based on how a person acts and the repetition that comes with that. Do they show that they are consistently there for us? Do they support us in our positive and difficult times? Are they consistent in their level of contact? Are they transparent and honest in the things that they say? Do they follow through with the promises they make? Do they do the things they say they will? These are just some of the examples of how trust can be displayed, learnt, and gained. If a person is reliable, acts with integrity and remains true to their word, then over time, you will feel safe with them and you will gain a strong sense of trust.

However, if a person is full of contradictions, If the things, they say don’t add up or make sense. If they change their minds and behavior erratically. If they lie (no matter how small or big). If they only tell you what you want to hear. If they are up and down and inconsistent in their behaviour – then you are likely to feel unsafe and unable to trust. Because this behaviour shows a person that you wont feel safe around, that you cant depend upon and that you wont be able to move forward with. Reliability and consistency are key – without it, it is impossible to feel safe and secure. If a person isn’t truly there for you for example – despite saying they are – then a lack of trust will develop. Words are one thing – but it is behaviour that is key.

One hard area is when someone has had their trust broken significantly in the past. It can then become incredibly difficult to trust someone else in the present. Earning the trust of another can take time. But even more so if they are vulnerable and have had their trust broken in the past. Sometimes a lack of trust on one side can be detrimental to a relationship. Especially when another person isn’t doing anything to break trust in any way. In these situations, patience and understanding is required. Time and a lot of communication is needed, and sometimes couples therapy is appropriate.

Trust is fundamentally key. Without it, we can’t have any kind of relationship. Take the time to build it. To develop it. And remember that people must earn it. Finally listen to your instincts because they will guide you in the right direction. If you aren’t feeling safe or secure for any reason, then learn to evaluate why. Take the time to slow down and understand where that is coming from. You will know if it is your struggle to trust based on the past, and you will also know if the person you’re weary of is truly trustworthy. It’s a hard but very important question to ask yourself. Slow down and look at your circle. Slow down and be aware of who you can truly trust. Being around those that you can make such a fundamental difference to your wellbeing.