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Kicking the habit.

I started smoking cigarettes at the age of 10

Then came the weed but was just now and then

But by about 12 I’d smoke everyday

Getting really stoned while others would play

My childhood had disappeared long before

Growing up quickly, not a kid anymore

I was stripped of my youth then began to rebel

Believed I was living in what we call hell

Experimenting and peer pressure had an effect

But really it was me who had a defect

Pills, coke, crack and special k

Helping at 16 to hide away

When I felt sad I could take some pills

Or a cocktail of drugs just for thrills

I could stop the pain with a line of coke

Roll up a blunt for a good old smoke

But what came with drugs was a tough lifestyle

Nasty environments and people so vile

But I felt in control if I put myself there

I had no self worth and just didn’t care

I was medicated by doctors for ADHD

Then prescribed more drugs for anxiety

So when throwing professionals into the mix

Their solution was drugs providing a fix

I understand that I was hard to reach

Almost impossible for those to teach

But there was more than what met the eye

As I wanted to vanish, curl up and die

Donna in abito bianco pensierosa, solitaria, texture retro







Drugs help to relax but are also for fun

They help me forget and become really numb

They calm me down and help my pain

To stop the thoughts that race in my brain

When I’m not on drugs, I’m asked what’s wrong

As I’m not myself, nor am I strong

Ultimately, the drugs kill my pain

But also my body and my brain

They’re an escape from life and reality

But could lead to illness and insanity

So drugs for me have become a need

A way to function if I want to succeed

Honestly I’m scared to completely stop

I’m worried to feel and take a drop

I’m worried to be me and not to cope

I’ve tried before but gave up hope

I often ignore the issue in hand

Coz I don’t think people will understand

It is my fault, as people don’t know

That I use drugs whenever I’m low

Truth be told I’m low everyday

So do the math, it’s long been this way

No matter what, I am to blame

For this shit of a person that I became

I ran from problems, a master of disguise

Shielded the truth with all of my lies









Oblivious to addiction, till I tried to stop

Just one more pill I needed to pop

Drugs made me worse I know deep inside

They’ve helped me to run from life and to hide

It’s time to come out now and face it all

To stand up tall and not to fall

Prescription drugs and alcohol

I need to stop and regain control


Things will get harder and I’m on my own

I might hit rock bottom when I’m alone

I’ll have to work hard to fill the void

To manage my feelings and not get annoyed

I will feel crap and it will be tough

I know I’ll begin to feel really rough

It will be hard to pull right through

As it’s not just mental, it’s physical too

My mind and body will go into shock

No way for me to rewind the clock

People are unaware what I’ve done to myself

Abused my body and overall health

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So if I clean up I will have to face

The real reasons why I am in this place

Which means looking at horrors in my past

Facing my feelings and pain at last

This is imperative for me to move on

Stop thinking I was bad and did something wrong

But I will need help along the way

A worry I have from day to day

I am frightened and have many fears

That help and support again disappears

This has been common over the years

The reason for drugs and most of my tears

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So if I do this I will need you

As you’re the only one who knows what I do

I promise that I will try my best

As this for me is a big life test


I do have a little fight left in me

So just be patient and do not flee

I don’t want others to know or to see

How low of a person I’ve come to be

So I’m ready to try and ready to feel

Just a little help needed for me to heal

It’s time for you to be patient and listen

To why copious drugs are inside my system

Don’t expect me to come in and smile

As this process is going to take a long while


When we talk I can see your frustrations

When drugs has led to bad situations

Self-care is taken over by these temptations

And this results in unpleasant destinations

For this to work, lower your expectations

And be prepared for numerous complications


A final test, will addiction prevail?

Is my plan in life forever to fail?

One pair of ears is all I need

To listen to me and help me succeed.